some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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