dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
