For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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