hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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