dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
