A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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