I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
