I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
