He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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