does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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