my sisters under your porch take her home
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
