How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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