I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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