me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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