i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize