I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
