if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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