they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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