Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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