Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
