i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
