I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
