Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
