i jhust puked up my retainher.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
