A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
