Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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