You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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