So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
