i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
