I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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