So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
