You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
