he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
