i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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