no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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