Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
