So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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