Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
