Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am available for nakedness
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
