it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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