you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
