She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
barbara walters just said penis...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
