Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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