Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
