That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
