lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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