The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
