if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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