they need to just BURY HIM!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
