Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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