if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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