I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
