i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
