If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
