Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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