hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
