Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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