3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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