Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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