Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
