what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she peed on how many people?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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