so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
