so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
