I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
