the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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