dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
