I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
