dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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