I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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