And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
