i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
