Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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