chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
