You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
