woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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