Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
