hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
