Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
