i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
