I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
