This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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