My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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