you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
