Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize